One Year Ago

You can never know how big of an impact a single moment can have until it’s in the past. One decision can have a ripple effect that changes the entire course of your life. Sometimes looking back at the things that led up to a defining moment can baffle you, because if any one thing had been different, you might not be where you are now.

Today I had a realization that exactly one year ago was my first time on a real television set. I have had an interest in film making since I watched the making of the Lord of the Rings when I was a child. The series of events that led to me being on set is, I’ll admit, a bit baffling.

One year and a day ago it was my boyfriend’s birthday. On a typical Tuesday I would have gone to work, attended dance class and been home by 9 to get ready for work the next day. The fact that it wasn’t a typical Tuesday led to me spending the evening instead driving up to Plymouth State University to deliver cupcakes to my boyfriend. This resulted in me driving home much later than I normally would.

As I was driving, I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. But it was a Massachusetts area code and I have quite a few friends who live there so I answered. It was a casting agency that I had created an account with and then forgotten about. They invited me to be an extra on an untitled Netflix series that was filming in Massachusetts. They wanted me to be there the following day.

My first thought was that I couldn’t possibly, I had work the next day and it was just too last minute. So I said no. When I hung up with them I immediately felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. My gut was telling me I had just made a huge mistake. So I called my boyfriend, told him what had happened and explained the worry I felt about the decision I had made. He urged me to call them back and take a personal day off from work. I did just that. They sent me a booking email and I was all ready to head to set the next day.

That first day on set lasted 13 hours, twelve of which I got paid for. It rained half the day and I didn’t get home until nearly 2 a.m. Going to work the following day was downright painful, not only because I was exhausted, but also because my day job couldn’t hold a candle to being on set. I was miserable for about a week before I decided that if I wanted to work in the film industry at all I had to jump in with both feet. I put in notice at my job and the next several weeks were torture because I kept getting emails with casting calls for the same show. After my last day at work I had a busy weekend and then when Monday rolled around I started panicking. I hadn’t gotten a casting email, I had just quit my job, and I began to question whether I had made a huge mistake. This lasted a few hours, until I responded to a post on a networking page for Production Assistants. They were looking for someone to fill in for their PA in the Art Department who was going to be out sick for the next three days. I heard back almost immediately and was asked to come in that Tuesday and we would go from there.

I ended up working all three days, ironically, on the same show I had been an extra for. Over the next several months I continued to be an extra. I picked up some other odd jobs, and financially got by pretty well. When December rolled around I was offered a more consistent position as an additional PA in the same Art Department, I was thrilled. I had hardly any time to do anything else during that period, but it was such a fun and rewarding job, I didn’t mind. I got to bring things to sets, meet some of the actors and go to the wrap party. They brought me back again to help with wrapping up after filming ended.

When it all finally ended, it felt surreal, looking back, knowing I had been a part of something that became so big and popular. Being able to say that I worked on The Society before it even had a name. It was truly a life-changing experience, both for how it affected me personally, and for the path that it sent me on in my professional life. I’ve since worked on a feature length indie film called First Signal, something I never would have done had I not stumbled into the film industry the way I did.

It’s just crazy to look at where I was a year ago compared to where I am now and know for a fact that had I not called the casting agency back to say that yes, I do want to be an extra, I would not be where I am today. I’m so thankful for all the opportunities that have been placed in my lap. I guess it just goes to show that it really doesn’t hurt to say yes to something, especially if it’s what your gut is telling you to do.

What Being a Dancer Has Taught Me

I have been dancing for almost a year and a half. I started small, with one hip-hop class per week, I then added ballet (something I’ve wanted to try since I was a little girl). Over the course of the following 8 months I went from dancing 2 hours a week to dancing 7 or more hours a week, with multiple ballet classes, hip-hop, character and even a little bit of jazz. It wasn’t until several months into taking classes that I actually began to call myself a dancer. I must admit, at first, I thought it would just be a fun hobby and a way to keep myself in shape. I’ve since realized that dancing has taught me many things that extend beyond the studio.

Pain isn’t always a bad thing. Whether you’re stretching in dance or letting go of something you’ve held onto for too long. It may be difficult, it may hurt like hell, but in the end you will be better for it. That’s not to say pain can’t be bad; there are different types of pain. There’s the kind of pain that is going to make things better in the long run, or the kind of pain that can cause damage; the trick is being able to tell the difference.

Just keep going. I can’t tell you how many times one of my dance teachers has told me ‘the audience doesn’t know what you’re supposed to be doing, if you mess up just keep dancing.’ Now I’m not saying it’s okay to mess up, I’m saying don’t let it show on your face and absolutely do not stop in the middle of a routine because you forgot the next step. This applies to everything, don’t give up just because things get hard, or because you have made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, that I can guarantee. No one is perfect.

It never hurts to be supportive. I only ever played basketball as a sport, I was always part of a team. When I began dancing I first thought of it as a solo activity, unless of course you’re dancing in a group. However, the dancers at my studio are so kind and supportive, we’re not just a team, we’re more like a family. We laugh together, we cry together and we dance together. The dancers themselves are not the only ones that are supportive; their parents and siblings are just as caring and encouraging, not only with dance, but also with life outside of dance.

Hard work pays off. Now this is something I’ve always known, but dancing has really emphasized it. With hard work and a lot of determination an awkward 5’7″ girl who trips when walking can glide gracefully across the floor in ballet. It’s what got me into the best shape of my life and it’s what will continue to make me not only a better dancer but also a better writer.

Always finish. It doesn’t matter how good you do if you give up before the end. In dance we always emphasize that when you finish it should be a statement. Everyone watching should be able to tell that you are done. Giving up partway through is never an option and honestly I don’t know why anyone would want to. There is a certain sort of satisfaction that you achieve after finishing something, it’s a great feeling that not many others can compare to.

Dancing has made me much more confident and taught me to take pride in everything I do. Through it I have come to know some amazing people and had the opportunity to be a role model to some of the greatest kids I’ve ever met. They daily inspire me to be a better dancer and a better person.

I’m Okay Now

I don’t usually like to put the personal aspects of my life out in the open for people to speculate on.  I prefer to keep certain things about myself private and only share with a select few friends.  However, I’ve been noticing things about myself recently.  Up until this past November I was in a nearly three year long relationship, I mentioned in an earlier post that it ended pretty badly.  At the time I did not see how I could possibly ever be okay again.  This boy had been such a huge part of my life for so long.  I’d spent all this time letting him love me and loving him that I did not remember how to love myself.

I went to a very bad place both mentally and emotionally for quite some time.  To be perfectly honest during the last five months of the relationship I was already partially in that bad place.  Somehow it got worse once it actually ended, even though it was a long time coming.  I tried so hard to get him to stay with me, that in and of itself was damaging.  I let him walk all over me all in an attempt to make him happy.  I didn’t value myself, I didn’t think I was worth anything without him.  It took several friends, many months and removing him from every aspect of my life for me to get to the point I am at now.