I’m Okay Now

I’m Okay Now

I don’t usually like to put the personal aspects of my life out in the open for people to speculate on.  I prefer to keep certain things about myself private and only share with a select few friends.  However, I’ve been noticing things about myself recently.  Up until this past November I was in a nearly three year long relationship, I mentioned in an earlier post that it ended pretty badly.  At the time I did not see how I could possibly ever be okay again.  This boy had been such a huge part of my life for so long.  I’d spent all this time letting him love me and loving him that I did not remember how to love myself.

I went to a very bad place both mentally and emotionally for quite some time.  To be perfectly honest during the last five months of the relationship I was already partially in that bad place.  Somehow it got worse once it actually ended, even though it was a long time coming.  I tried so hard to get him to stay with me, that in and of itself was damaging.  I let him walk all over me all in an attempt to make him happy.  I didn’t value myself, I didn’t think I was worth anything without him.  It took several friends, many months and removing him from every aspect of my life for me to get to the point I am at now.   Continue reading “I’m Okay Now”

This is My Art

This is My Art

“Never apologize for your art.” Someone once said this to me after I read some poetry that I had attempted to write.  I’ll be honest, it was not very good, so naturally I apologized for the poor quality.  It was a complete stranger that said it which made it all the more powerful.  Since then I have been doing my best to take ownership of my writing.  Because, it is my art, it is how I express myself, and without it I would be lost.

One of my best friends recently told me: “The world needs your words.”  He has been extremely supportive of my writing, almost everyone has.  From friends to family to complete strangers.  So why is it I have such a hard time supporting my own writing?  I have had so much encouragement, both with my blog and with my novel writing.  Why can’t I see it as more than just a thing I do?  Maybe if I believed in myself a little more I would put more effort in and finally finish the book I’ve been working on for almost three years. Continue reading “This is My Art”

Thirst for Adventure

Thirst for Adventure

I like to think that I’m up for trying almost anything.  I’m the first one to jump at an opportunity for any kind of adventure.  I plan to see the world and have all sorts of amazing stories to tell the kids I will one day have.

I used to say I was born in the wrong era, and that there were no more adventures to be had.  That was before I realized that anything can be an adventure, the only thing that matters is the way you look at it.  I’ve been categorized as a dreamer and a hopeless romantic.  I am proud to agree that I am both of these things.  Sometimes a certain song, or a movie, or even a quote will give me an ache in the depths of my chest.  This overpowering yearning for something…more.  When that happens, I usually get this intense urge to simply hop in my car and start driving, or a buy a ticket on a plane bound for somewhere far, far away.  I suppose this could explain why I’ve been to New York City and even England…twice. Continue reading “Thirst for Adventure”

Take Me Back

Take Me Back

I honestly can’t remember when I decided I wanted to travel, but I think it was probably about the time when people started asking me what I wanted to do when I finished high school.  My friends all had great answers like: “I wanna be a social worker,” or “I’m going to join the military.”  My answer? “I just want to see the world and write.”

I’d say I’ve done pretty well with actually doing both of those.  This was my second trip to England, its been less than a year since my first one.  How many 20 year old’s from America can say they spent their 20th birthday in England?  I’ll admit they’re pretty cool bragging rights, but that’s not why I keep going back.  Continue reading “Take Me Back”

Big, Bright Future

I can’t tell you how many times I get asked if I’m in college. Sometimes I wonder if that’s all that adults care about. I may not be in college, but I’m working two jobs, I’m taking dance classes, I’m teaching myself how to play guitar, I’m writing and I’m figuring out what I really want to do with my life. I don’t understand the pressure put on teenagers to choose a life path directly out of high school. I was originally only going to take a semester off. A semester turned into a year, which turned into two. Here I am, finishing my second gap year, finally ready to begin my college education.

I’ve been told by so many different people, that if I put college off for too long, I’ll never end up going. What they don’t seem to understand is that I’m the kind of person who goes after what she wants. I set goals and I push myself to not only meet them, but to surpass them. Continue reading “Big, Bright Future”

My Happy Place

My Happy Place

People are always telling you that you need a good job.  But what defines a good job?  Most people would say how much money you make, but to me the best job is the job that makes you happy, the one that gives you the best experiences.  One of my favorite quotes is: “If you find a job doing what you love, you will never work a day in your life.”    I have had numerous jobs over the course of my life thus far.  But not a single one of them has come close to my summer camp job.

I first learned about this particular camp when I was about 7 years old.  It was the camp my father had gone to when he was a boy scout, and then worked at once he turned 14 or 15.  I am the youngest of four children, my sister, the eldest of the four, is 7 years older than me.  She began working at this camp when she turned 14.  Each of my brothers did the same once they came of age.  For 6 years at least one member of my family worked there. Continue reading “My Happy Place”